


Never Be Mine

by pyrosgf



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-09-01
Updated: 2009-09-01
Packaged: 2017-12-10 23:30:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/791429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pyrosgf/pseuds/pyrosgf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is what happens when I listen to Adam’s version of I Can’t Make You Love Me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Be Mine

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is appreciated.
> 
> Disclaimer: This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission.

> _Turn down the lights, turn down the bed, turn down these voices inside my head…_
> 
> The pain that slices through me causes me to recoil further into my sheets as that beautiful brown-eyed angel-boy speaks quietly into his phone.  Though by no means is he a child, but a grown man with a cherub's face.  Over the past few months he’s become my world, though my heart bleeds knowing my love for him will never be reciprocated.
> 
>  
> 
> “I love you too baby, goodnight.”
> 
>  
> 
> My heart clenches at the love that drips like water from his lips as his smooth voice bids his lady goodnight.  I struggle to breathe when he puts down his phone.  I know I should be ashamed of myself for wanting a man who is in love with another.  I mean I knew Kris Allen was married within moments of meeting him the first time.  His words bubbling out in a sweet southern drawl that I can still hear in my head as he said ‘My name’s Kris Allen and I’m a newlywed from Conway, Arkansas.’
> 
>  
> 
> Now at the time I thought it was funny for this tiny little southerner to be whipping out his wallet and showing me photo after photo of him and his high school sweetheart.  I quickly learned after spend week after week with him while we were roomies on Idol that it was just Kris being Kris.  Even though he was a tad bit shy, once he managed to introduce himself you were no longer a stranger to Kris, but a friend.
> 
>  
> 
> However I never gave Kris a second thought as anything more than a friend.  Kris accepted me knowing I was gay and I loved him like I loved any of my other friends.  That was until the photos of Brad and I got passed around the mansion like dirty laundry and the other contestants got standoffish with me.  I suppose knowing someone is gay in theory and then having a blatant photo of it can change the way that people perceive you.  Kris however never blinked an eye, but this was the day that I started to fall in love with him.
> 
>  
> 
> Kris never once judged me.  Not from the moment we met, nor when I came out to him, or over the photos.  Kris took everything in stride and accepted me as his roommate and best friend.  In fact he stood up for me the evening after the Brad photo blowout.  I remember it so clearly.  Kris and I had been the last ones down for dinner that night.  When we walked into the dining room everything went quiet and all eyes were on me.  It was then that Kris looked over to me and back to them and said ‘Knock it off guys, he’s still the same Adam that we’ve always known.’  With that it was over and I was again accepted as part of the group.
> 
>  
> 
> Now lying in this uncomfortable bed in some hotel in God only knows where it’s all I can do to hold myself together.  I don’t want to break with Kris a mere six feet away from me.
> 
>  
> 
> Kris reaches to turn out the lamp and I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding.  At least with the lights off he can’t see that my eyes are glassy with unshed tears.
> 
>  
> 
> “Goodnight Adam.”
> 
>  
> 
> My throat closes as the tears burn a trail down my cheeks.
> 
>  
> 
> “Goodnight Kris.”  My voice breaks into a sob before I can suppress it.
> 
>  
> 
> I hear Kris get up and I feel the bed sink with his weight.  Silently he curls up against my back, his arms wound tightly around me.  It’s then that my body begins to shake with my sobs.  The pain is so great that I’m sure my insides are shredded in pieces.  Kris just hugs me closer as if he’s trying to hold me together.  He’s so close, but he will never be mine.
> 
>  
> 
> Kris asks no questions.  That’s what he’s good for.  Kris only murmurs small shushing noises against my ear until I finally fall asleep in his arms, the arms of the man that I love.  
>   
>  _I can't make you love me if you don't.  You can't make your heart feel something it won't._
> 
>  


End file.
